By Robin Anderson, February, 2017 –
Since February is traditionally called the month of love, I saw a quote recently from Liam Neeson that made me think long and hard about what love really means. You may recall Liam is an actor, and his actor wife died after a skiing accident several years ago.
“Everyone says love hurts, but that is not true. Loneliness hurts. Rejection hurts. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up all pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt.” – Liam Neeson
This quote really resonated with me. When I look back on my own past, and in speaking with friends who have loved and lost, I think we are all afraid to step out there and love again. We are afraid we will only be hurt again. We are all afraid of love! However, if we find the right love, then we will truly be happy again.
Ahhh, now I get it!
I do know some couples who are extremely happy. And, the extreme happy is truly where I, and all others afraid of love really want to be. We want to be happy.
Yet, I do know people who have settled, only because they did not want to be alone. In that case, are they really happy? I think not!
But, each of us starts to get close to someone we like, and ‘boom,’ we back off. I know I do! Do you? In addition, we have all probably pushed away love that could have been the right one for us.
Isn’t it amazing what happens when the light bulb comes on? So, what do we do now? I did a little bit of research to find out something we all need to know and steps we can take to find our true love.
First, let’s discover some things to help find people we can possibly love. Second, let’s understand once we meet someone, what are the 3 main components to knowing chemistry is there. Lastly, what are the signs to know we are really in love?
How to Find Someone to Start the Journey
Love requires you to reveal your true self to another; to love at all is to be vulnerable.
We want unconditional love. We all make mistakes and we want to be accepted even with the mistakes we have made.
Leave the past in the past. Leave negative feelings and past heartbreaks just where they should be, in the past.
Remember, you won’t meet someone new in your living room.
Try new venues.
Online dating is an option.
Take a class.
Tell your friends you are looking.
Go to parties and attend events.
Give the person you meet a chance.
Ditch the ‘must have’ list.
Look outside of your perceived ‘type.’
Remember, time is on your side. There is no need to rush a relationship.
Take time to get to know the person before meeting family and kids.
It should be all about getting to know each other first.
Once You Meet Someone, there are 3 Main Components to Attraction
Sexual attraction leads to passion.
You initially cannot get over this person. The attraction is overwhelming.
You want your feelings to be reciprocated.
Intimacy leads to attachment.
Intimacy creates closeness and connectedness.
Bonding and feeling safe is a good thing.
Intimacy takes time and patience to develop.
It implies a lot of talking and disclosure.
It requires walls to come down from previous hurts.
Commitment leads to the ability to stay connected.
Commitment creates being able to work through misunderstandings and hurt.
Commitment allows a breaking through barriers of being hurt while knowing the other person wants to resolve the issue also.
Commitment fosters a social contract such as an engagement and marriage.
This social contract can be broken of course, but true commitment will make you think twice if you have a lot invested in the relationship.
Commitment allows for still loving someone should they gain some pounds, lose their hair, become sick, or economic circumstances change.
Commitment does not mean you have to agree on everything, just that you can respect the differences.
15 Signs You are Truly in Love
1 You see something, and instead of thinking how happy it makes you, you think of how happy it would make them.
2 You feel more at home with them than you’ve ever felt in y our entire life.
3 No matter what happens and how bad it can be, you know their feelings will not change about you.
4 You have patience with them. It does not matter how long it takes for them to understand something or your point of view. You enjoy spending time with them teaching and learning together.
5 You take extra time to get ready to look nice just for them.
6 It’s always worth it to be with them no matter how late or inconvenient.
7 You are willing to compromise when normally you would not.
8 Their happiness means more than your own at times to you.
9 You never grow tired of their company.
10 During your insecure moments, their reassurance makes you realize it does not matter.
11 You dream of ways you can take care of them more than you dream of all the ways you want them to take care of you.
12 You want to listen to them even when they sing Motown terribly in the shower.
13 When you do fight, you fight fair, and you know that is part of loving someone. You truly don’t want to be mad at them. You don’t talk badly about them after it’s resolved, because you know their actions came from a good place.
14 You do not judge them.
15 You wake up happy.
I know all of this seems overwhelming, but it helps us understand more about the search and what it takes to learn about someone. And, it reflects what you should feel with someone to know if it is real at a deeper level that will last.
We all deserve to be happy. And, we now both understand that love, true love, is true happiness. Let’s take the journey together and see if we can really try in 2017 to finally let down our walls and finally find true happiness.
Make sure to check out Robin’s monthly column with WVM.
Robin Anderson earned her BBA and MBA from Averett University and graduated with a 3.88 GPA. She is also a member of the Pinnacle National Honor Society and a member of the Institute of Financial Operations as well as served on the Strategic Advisory Committee for several years and has been a speaker for 4 years at the National Convention. Robin volunteers her time with organizations such as the American Cancer Society, the ALS Association, and speaking for Averett University. Contact
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