Most of us have been at points in our lives when we choose to renew ourselves and hit the re-start button in our personal and professional life. Now that I am facing a major life change I did not choose and came about as a matter of life going on, I wonder why I ever ‘chose’ to disrupt my life in the past!
What did I see as alluring in changing my day-to-day life, my surroundings, or even my closest relationships?
Everything seems fun and exciting in the beginning. The unknown can be exhilarating. The challenges are even a little appealing, because, let’s face it; we all like to be stretched on occasion. But, this time, my life is not changing because I want it to change.
My children are all adults now. I am no longer a full time mom. It makes me so sad. It makes me wonder how it all went by so fast. It makes me feel unwanted in some ways and not needed in many ways. Although, I know they will always need and love me.
And though this is a normal transition for all of us, it is also filled with great emotion. I knew this time was coming, but I still was not expecting it. I thought I would feel more excited and happy to be free from my full time mom role. I don’t.
Instead, I feel like part of my soul has been torn away. I feel I no longer have a purpose, because despite all the grand things I have done in my life, nothing at all compares to being a mother.
I always wanted to be a mother. As long as I can remember I knew it was the one thing I truly wanted in my life. I never thought, all these years, what it would be like to not be a full time mom! I never thought about living away from my children or not seeing them and talking to them every day.
So now I start anew. I will figure out my new life. I will decide what I want and need; and now, it will be based solely on me. I do not have a partner in my life, so every decision now revolves around me.
This is an odd and empty feeling. I know this too shall pass. I know, as time goes on, I will find my place in the world that doesn’t include being a full time mom. I also know I need to find balance to continue to be a part of my children’s lives and still create my own separate life.
So here I go… one step at a time… one day at a time… venturing into the unknown. Wish me luck!
“Let today be the day you learn the grace of letting go and the power of moving on” – Steve Maraboli
Angela Davis Schaefers is a speaker, coach and writer. She founded, produced and hosted Your Story Matters show. She speaks as keynote for organizations and at events and speaks to groups to inspire them. She is a TEDx speaker- Your Story Matters Creating Connection & Collaboration Through Sharing Your Story. Angela is author of Your Story Matters You Matter A guide to healing, learning from and sharing your story. She has also co-authored several books, writes for online publications and blogs. She has previously counseled families, couples, children and individuals, and has provided career and personal development coaching. She has worked with and consulted with various non-profit organizations, government entities and the corporate sector. Contact – Website – Facebook – LinkedIn – TEDx Speech – Twitter – Book
Photo Credit – Greyerbaby