Angela Schaefers

May 012017
 

 

Most of us have been at points in our lives when we choose to renew ourselves and hit the re-start button in our personal and professional life.  Now that I am facing a major life change I did not choose and came about as a matter of life going on, I wonder why I ever ‘chose’ to disrupt my life in the past!

What did I see as alluring in changing my day-to-day life, my surroundings, or even my closest relationships?

Everything seems fun and exciting in the beginning.  The unknown can be exhilarating.  The challenges are even a little appealing, because, let’s face it; we all like to be stretched on occasion.  But, this time, my life is not changing because I want it to change.

My children are all adults now.  I am no longer a full time mom.  It makes me so sad.  It makes me wonder how it all went by so fast.  It makes me feel unwanted in some ways and not needed in many ways.  Although, I know they will always need and love me.

And though this is a normal transition for all of us, it is also filled with great emotion.  I knew this time was coming, but I still was not expecting it.  I thought I would feel more excited and happy to be free from my full time mom role.  I don’t.

Instead, I feel like part of my soul has been torn away.  I feel I no longer have a purpose, because despite all the grand things I have done in my life, nothing at all compares to being a mother.

I always wanted to be a mother.  As long as I can remember I knew it was the one thing I truly wanted in my life.  I never thought, all these years, what it would be like to not be a full time mom!  I never thought about living away from my children or not seeing them and talking to them every day.

So now I start anew.  I will figure out my new life.  I will decide what I want and need; and now, it will be based solely on me.  I do not have a partner in my life, so every decision now revolves around me.

This is an odd and empty feeling.  I know this too shall pass.  I know, as time goes on, I will find my place in the world that doesn’t include being a full time mom.  I also know I need to find balance to continue to be a part of my children’s lives and still create my own separate life.

So here I go… one step at a time… one day at a time… venturing into the unknown.  Wish me luck!

“Let today be the day you learn the grace of letting go and the power of moving on” – Steve Maraboli

Angela Davis Schaefers is a speaker, coach and writer. She founded, produced and hosted Your Story Matters show. She speaks as keynote for organizations and at events and speaks to groups to inspire them. She is a TEDx speaker- Your Story Matters Creating Connection & Collaboration Through Sharing Your Story. Angela is author of Your Story Matters You Matter A guide to healing, learning from and sharing your story. She has also co-authored several books, writes for online publications and blogs. She has previously counseled families, couples, children and individuals, and has provided career and personal development coaching. She has worked with and consulted with various non-profit organizations, government entities and the corporate sector. ContactWebsiteFacebookLinkedInTEDx SpeechTwitterBook

Photo Credit – Greyerbaby

Apr 012017
 

 

Angela Schaefers “Stories Matter. Yours. Mine. Theirs.”

“Sad things happen. They do. But we don’t need to live sad forever.” – Mattie Stepanek

We have all had our share of unfortunate circumstances and challenges. Some have been worse than others. The deaths of loved ones, an illness, or a life changing injury are just a few of the worse circumstances we may have found ourselves in.

There is no comparison when it comes to tragedy and how it affects each of us as individuals. There is no right or wrong way to react or respond.

We each have the option to do something good when bad things happen. We can choose from many options to handle our grief, anger, hurt, or other emotions that take over.

The best stories I have heard from others are the ones of those who did not let the obstacles they faced turn them into a victim. These people chose to find the good, even amidst their pain. Many have gone further to create something ‘good’ from their experience.

There are many books, blogs, products, and services available that can improve lives. Much of them inspired by others tragedies!

The people who have set out to share what they have learned from their story, who share products and services that have been developed to make their lives better, have made the choice to do good, even though bad things happened to them!

What others have produced from bad things happening is endless good such as books of inspiration and motivation, coaching services to help overcome obstacles, counseling to deal with emotional and spiritual issues, special clothing, prosthetics, and more!

The people who are doing the most good are the disabled, cancer survivors, domestic abuse survivors, former addicts, former homeless, and more. They did not let their circumstances stop them from doing good!

If you have gone through something bad, take charge of the choices you have to do good! Here are some steps to help you.

1 Take one step at a time to recover in any way that you can (spiritually, physically, emotionally).

2 Seek the help, counsel and support of others.

3 Live one day at a time doing the best you can do in your circumstances.

4 Think through, talk through, and/or write what you have learned from the challenges.

5 Consider ways you can do good with what you have learned.

Often, the only hope we can find is that in knowing we can overcome tragedies, we can learn from them, and we have the choice to react and respond to them in our own way.

Taking the time to give to others, serve others, or share what you have learned with others will help in taking the focus off of the bad and putting the focus on good.

Reaching out to others is a good thing! Don’t let the bad things you have endured keep you from the good you can do.

Angela Davis Schaefers is a speaker, writer and producer and host of Your Story Matters show. She speaks as keynote for organizations and at events and speaks to groups to inspire them.  She is a TEDx speaker – Your Story Matters Creating Connection & Collaboration Through Sharing Your Story.  Angela is author of Your Story Matters You Matter, A guide to healing, learning from and sharing your story.  She has also co-authored several books, writes for online publications and blogs.  She has previously counseled families, couples, children and individuals, and has provided career and personal development coaching.  She has worked with and consulted with various non-profit organizations, government entities and the corporate sector.  ContactWebsite Books

Photo Credit – RondellMelling

Mar 012017
 

 

Angela Schaefers “Stories Matter. Yours. Mine. Theirs.”

We’ve got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can’t just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it’s going to get on by itself. You’ve got to keep watering it. You’ve got to really look after it and nurture it.John Lennon

We don’t always need to find new things or new people to move forward in our life. Though ‘new’ anything tends to be exciting and often feels invigorating, I have discovered that in many instances, relationships right in front of us can be renewed and feel rejuvenating.

WVM April 2015 Angela IMPACTNot as simplistic as new clothes, home improvements, or other new things, people in our lives offer wonderful opportunities to feel refreshed and passionate. When you take stock of your current partnerships, whether long or short term personal or professional connections, there is probably great hope for improvement.

When I evaluate my relationships, I reflect on what I have been giving and receiving in them. Like some, I am quite busy balancing life and not the friend who talks with those I care about daily, nor do I see many of my friends on a regular basis. Yet, my most valued friends are those I can see or talk to after long periods of time and feel like we are as close as ever.

That being said, I have realized that both day-to-day relationships and ones that are at a distance can be improved upon. Reflection of myself helps me to see my own personal areas of improvement needed and those parts of me that have changed over time and do not seem to fit with current connections.

I use that evaluation as a guide post to determine how I can be my best self in relationships. It also helps me to be open to the realization some relationships are stagnant and/or have naturally faded over time.

Key points to evaluation of your friendships include:

Analyzing relationships for improvement and longevity.

Determining what efforts and changes are necessary in quality relationships.

Assessing how my personal and life changes are working in sustaining and enhancing my relationships.

As my life ebbs and flows, I am able to be open and willing to the possibilities of stimulating change in my relationships. I no longer fear losing people who have served a purpose for a time in my life.

I no longer feel guilty for walking away from people who I am no longer part of serving their higher good or being in the capacity of truly loving and caring for them as my best self.

I welcome the old and new friends who can mutually benefit from the growing of our souls together!

Angela Davis Schaefers is a speaker, coach and writer. She founded, produced and hosted Your Story Matters show. She speaks as keynote for organizations and at events and speaks to groups to inspire them. She is a TEDx speaker- Your Story Matters Creating Connection & Collaboration Through Sharing Your Story. Angela is author of Your Story Matters You Matter A guide to healing, learning from and sharing your story. She has also co-authored several books, writes for online publications and blogs. She has previously counseled families, couples, children and individuals, and has provided career and personal development coaching. She has worked with and consulted with various non-profit organizations, government entities and the corporate sector. ContactWebsiteFacebookLinkedInTEDx SpeechTwitterBook

Photo Credit – Serge Bertasius Photography

Jan 012017
 

 

There are a lot of things happening in our world that feels overwhelming.  That sometimes makes things feel hopeless.  I mean how can we, one person at a time, really solve world crisis?  Can I provide a solution for poverty, addiction, hate, racism, and disease?  Can you?

Perhaps we are looking at the overall state of affairs and feeling helpless, because we as individuals believe we cannot make great strides in positive change.  Is this why so many choose not to do anything?  We feel discouraged to give, serve, or even care about what is happening around us, because we do not have the power, the influence, or the money to create change.

Yet, historically speaking, the biggest changes, the long term positive effects, the stability of the human race is in fact built on small gestures, villages acting, and individuals bravely stepping up.

If you are not part of a village or community creating change, do not despair!  Your efforts still matter!  YOU matter.  YOU count.  How you do so is up to you!

I say again and again, “Have you no funds to share?  Have you no food to share?  Have you no shelter to share?  You still have LOVE to give. You still have a smile, a hug, and any other gesture of kindness to share.”

YOU, yes, you can give more than you know.  Open your heart to the possibilities.  Seek out opportunities.  Be willing. Be open.

Consider the many people you can offer a smile, a word of encouragement, a small and kind gesture.  Do not stay in the mindset of thinking you have no power to help.  Do not buy into the notion you are not enough to lift up those around you.

And please, please do not limit your ability to give, serve, and love to the holiday season.  Let us all make a vow to live a daily life of helping our fellow human beings!  And, if you say or think, “Why should I,” then I say to you, “Why shouldn’t you?’

“Have the courage to be the source of love and have the strength to love without barriers.” –  Angela Davis Schaefers

Angela Davis Schaefers is a speaker, coach and writer. She founded, produced and hosted Your Story Matters show. She speaks as keynote for organizations and at events and speaks to groups to inspire them. She is a TEDx speaker- Your Story Matters Creating Connection & Collaboration Through Sharing Your Story. Angela is author of Your Story Matters You Matter A guide to healing, learning from and sharing your story. She has also co-authored several books, writes for online publications and blogs. She has previously counseled families, couples, children and individuals, and has provided career and personal development coaching. She has worked with and consulted with various non-profit organizations, government entities and the corporate sector. ContactWebsiteFacebookLinkedInTEDx SpeechTwitterBook

Photo Credit – geralt

Nov 012016
 

 

Angela Schaefers - Impact r1

I came to a realization how many my tastes, desires, and me as a person have evolved.   I really like, dare I say, love this woman I see in the mirror!

Of course there have been circumstances within my story that have caused me to want to change and improve, and I have done so diligently.  But other things, perhaps come with time, like an aging of fine wine.

The dichotomy of me:

wvm-november-2016-angela-impact-imageI used to sleep in and woke up feeling like hell, and now I sleep in with an alarm set to manage my time my way.

2  I prefer making money to spending money.

3  I enjoy and savor moments with others and memories made together more than exchanging gifts.

4  I don’t need love and acceptance anymore; instead, I ‘want’ it and welcome it.

5  I do things for myself that are expressions of self love instead of staying in the cycle of sabotage and self destruction.

6  I use my voice for good and speak my truth instead of hurling meanness towards others and shouting unrealistic demands.

7  I cry and it feels good after instead of crying and feeling like , “What was the point?” after.

8  I am happy being single and at peace knowing that Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now suits me just fine.

9  I don’t need to compete with others or be superior to them in order to feel I am successful.

10  I am ok with changing my mind or sticking to something I truly believe in; whatever best serves me is what works.

11  I am happy to sweat and push myself physically and enjoy it, but I no longer allow myself to feel guilty resting or simply skipping exercise when needed.

12  My time is balanced based on my needs, and I no longer let others or even myself guilt me into over doing it.

13  I am ok trying new things, giving up on old ways, and fine tuning what I really want in my life; it’s just not scary anymore.

I will more than likely continue to evolve for the rest of my days.  I have never been the woman who gets to the finish line when it comes to self development.  I enjoy the journey of discovering me and all that I am capable of.  How about you?

“The woman I was yesterday, introduced me to the woman I am today; which makes me very excited about meeting the woman I will become tomorrow. ” – Poetic Evolution

Angela Davis Schaefers is a speaker, coach and writer. She founded, produced and hosted Your Story Matters show. She speaks as keynote for organizations and at events and speaks to groups to inspire them. She is a TEDx speaker- Your Story Matters Creating Connection & Collaboration Through Sharing Your Story. Angela is author of Your Story Matters You Matter A guide to healing, learning from and sharing your story. She has also co-authored several books, writes for online publications and blogs. She has previously counseled families, couples, children and individuals, and has provided career and personal development coaching. She has worked with and consulted with various non-profit organizations, government entities and the corporate sector. ContactBooks

Photo Credit – stockimages

Sep 012016
 

 

Angela Schaefers - Impact r1

I am turning fab fifty soon!  It is so strange to realize that fifty years of my life have passed by.  I honestly do not feel 50, but then again, I have never been 50 before!

The few body and mind changes that have occurred, starting since my thirties, have been surprising in some ways and discouraging in others.  Yet, I feel great inside and out and am hopeful about what the future holds.

Do I sometimes get drawn into the darkness and begin to feel like there is no point in pushing through the hard times and finding enthusiasm in the changes physically, emotionally, and otherwise?  Absolutely!  I think this is normal.  It is all part of the aging process.  It’s all part of life happening.

WVM September 2016 Angela IMPACT ImagePart of my 50th year celebration is defining ways to live the next 50 years or so in the best way possible!  Here’s my action plan.

1  Say no or yes based on what is best for me and serves my higher good.

2  Keep and set boundaries that allow me to practice self love.

3  Live intentionally each day.

4  Maintain my focus on my spiritual, physical, and mental health.

5  Try new things that will help me grow and challenge me.

6  Pursue new opportunities to learn and expand my mind.

7  Enjoy more of everything I like including people, experiences, food, and so on.

8  Slow down and take deep breaths as needed.

9  Continue to write my story about what life has taught me.  Share it with others to encourage and inspire them.

10 Tap into my creativity.

11 Practice opening my heart and mind to different and new possibilities.

12 Give more of myself after I care for my personal needs such as volunteering and sharing, etc.

13 Stretch myself in ways I never imagined without taking on too much.

14 Risk in ways that will not set me back or cause irreparable harm.

15 Reach out to others more often, whether those I know or those I come across randomly.

16 Practice regular healing techniques.

17 Explore new healing techniques.

18 Free my mind from an unhealthy and shaming body image.

19 Build a financial comfort zone that will sustain me and allow me to give and thrive.

20 Teach others what I know when they may need support and encouragement.

21 Practice forgiveness more often towards myself and others.

22 Discover new ways to express love.

23 Practice being quiet more often.

24 Practice letting go of attachments.

25 Release old ways of thinking and doing that no longer serve me.

26 Practice deeper meditation.

27 Continue to develop my relationship with God and deepen my spirituality.

28 Practice letting go of assumptions.

29 Intentionally search my core to align my heart, mind, and soul.

30 Create more purposeful interactions.

31 Treat myself the way I would treat someone I deeply love.

32 Practice walking away sooner rather than later when someone or something is not good for me.

33 Expect the best.

34 Expect miracles.

35 Practice more enthusiasm.

36 Practice feeling and being joyful.

37 Discover ways to increase my confidence.

38 Keep a pulse on my feelings of self worth.

39 Practice not allowing others to affect my confidence or self esteem.

40 Practice gratitude.

41 Express my appreciation towards others more frequently.

42 Continue practicing acceptance of the things I cannot change.

43 Stop taking responsibility for the circumstances and people that are not my responsibility.

44 Allow myself to be free from anyone and anything holding me back or down.

45 Pray more and with more intention.

46 Continue to believe that everything is unfolding in perfect timing .

47 Continue to believe that life circumstances (including the hard things) work together for good.

48 Practice awareness of self and whatever is happening around me.

49 Find comfort and peace when I need it.  Seek solace in healthy ways.

50 Practice learning to love self and others where they are.

What is your intention?  How do you choose to live your best life?

Angela Davis Schaefers is a speaker, writer and producer and host of Your Story Matters show. She speaks as keynote for organizations and at events and speaks to groups to inspire them.  She is a TEDx speaker- Your Story Matters Creating Connection & Collaboration Through Sharing Your Story.  Angela is author of Your Story Matters You Matter A guide to healing, learning from and sharing your story.  She has also co-authored several books, writes for online publications and blogs.  She has previously counseled families, couples, children and individuals, and has provided career and personal development coaching.  She has worked with and consulted with various non-profit organizations, government entities and the corporate sector. ContactBooks

Photo Credit –  radnatt

Aug 012016
 

 

Angela Schaefers “Stories Matter. Yours. Mine. Theirs.”

“Live in the sunshine. Swim in the sea. Drink the wild air.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Summer seems to bring out the best in people. There is less structure in many of our lives with school out and daylight lasting longer. Many travel on vacation and visit destination spots that are warm, sunny and offer fun and activities that only happen during summer.


WVM August 2014 Angela Schaefers IMPACT ImageI remember being a kid and like others, I waited anxiously for summer. I looked forward to the longer days, where the sun stayed out until late evening, and we could stay up late because school was out. Ice cream, the beach, summer clothes that were fun to wear, including the cute swimsuits, and more were part of making summer memories.

It dawned on me that for a long time, summer coming and going did not affect me as much as when I was a kid and summer was the only thing I had to look forward to. I lost my sense of summer fun and adventure. I forgot about the beach and park days that unfolded into the summer night while watching the sun go down. I did not take advantage of the summer days.

When summer solstice occurs, it is the longest day of the year. One day out of 365 days that lasts what seems like forever. The days following summer solstice seem as if the sun just stays put, like it is settling in for the beautiful long days of summer. I see it now as a ceremoniously time of pleasure.

I have realized I need to recapture that sense of excitement and awe I used to feel as a child. I need to look forward to the long summer days, the beautiful weather, and all the fun and pleasures of summer. I have found I do not have to be a kid to experience the joys of summer!

More importantly, I see the significance of celebrating a new season, of having yet another chance to enjoy what the world offers us. Sunshine, the park, the ocean, and so much more is often more welcoming than ever during summer time.

It’s also a time to refresh and immerse ourselves in the warm, basking sun. It’s a chance to recreate ourselves. It’s an opportunity to feel and act more alive!

Every summer holds a story… what stories will you create?

Angela Schaefers is a speaker, writer and producer and host of Your Story Matters show. She speaks as keynote for organizations and at events and speaks to groups to inspire them.  She is a TEDx speaker – Your Story Matters Creating Connection & Collaboration Through Sharing Your Story.  Angela is author of Your Story Matters You Matter, A guide to healing, learning from and sharing your story.  She has also co-authored several books, writes for online publications and blogs.  She has previously counseled families, couples, children and individuals, and has provided career and personal development coaching.  She has worked with and consulted with various non-profit organizations, government entities and the corporate sector.  ContactWebsite Books

Photo Credit – imagerymajestic

Jul 012016
 

 

Angela Schaefers “Stories Matter. Yours. Mine. Theirs.”

“Instead, pursue the things you love doing, and then do them so well that people can’t take their eyes off you.” – Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Birds Sing

Have you ever met someone who raved about how many opportunities the USA offers? Or perhaps you have met those people who tell you how lucky you are to live, work, and play here in the USA? Have you come across the people who think there is no better place than the USA, whether they are from here or not? I have.


WVM July 2014 Angela Schaefers IMPACT ImageI used to wonder why people would say those things. I never really thought about how blessed we are with all the opportunities and freedoms we have. I did not have a sense of appreciation like I do now. Part of my appreciation came from maturing and understanding how valuable certain things were to me including education, opportunities to work for various companies/organizations or for myself, and so on.

Over time I had the chance to visit other countries, some third world. Others more advanced in some ways than the USA, but nonetheless all different and all varied in what was considered ‘opportunity’ and ‘freedom.’ I won’t go into all the politics behind one country versus another country (Although I know you can find those great articles in our politics section!).

Part of understanding the value in living, working, and creating a life for ourselves and family here in the USA is realizing it is indeed the land of plenty! There are jobs and careers women can fill; there are educational opportunities women can pursue and freedoms some women, from abroad, could never fathom. In some other places, women cannot work outside the home due to cultural norms, and some cannot attend school (even grade school).

I don’t know about you, but for me, to be able to work and go to school has been one of life’s biggest blessings!

Are things perfect in the USA? Not hardly. Are their discrepancies in pay for men versus women, do women hit glass ceilings in their careers, are women treated less than in certain situations? YES! But again we can always compare our lives to a woman living in another country that has far more obstacles, challenges, and injustice.

Whatever is not right or fair, let’s work together to improve it. Whenever we have women in our own work place, neighborhood, or school experience injustice, let’s help create change. Whatever is holding us back from being our best self and achieving our hopes and dreams, let’s break down the barriers. It all starts with having gratitude for what is right before you, accepting what you cannot change, and creating a vision and taking action to work towards what you want and need.

We have amazing access here in the USA. Perfect? No! Are we always free to express ourselves and allowed to say and do as we please? Not exactly. Are we restricted from moving about, changing jobs, choosing certain options versus other options, and so on? NO!

In contrast, we actually have the ‘freedom’ here in the USA to over indulge in many things; food, material things, unsavory activities, and so on. I’m not condoning certain activities, but you certainly would not ‘get away’ with some things you can here as a woman in another country!

As many women I’ve met who have been teary eyed, grateful, and humbled to experience life in the amazing USA, I have also met women who are recovering addicts, homeless, and/or criminals who are from here but landed on a less then desirable path.

It is our choice to live in a state of gratitude and savor every bit of opportunity we have here in the USA versus killing our mind, body and soul. It’s always a choice. What will you choose? I know from experience it is not always easy to choose the right thing or that there are not real life issues and problems for each of us.

Each time I land in another country and see the oppression women experience, or witness women giving up on their hopes and dreams, I wonder to myself, “Do those around me in the USA recognize and appreciate what is before them?” Will they make a choice to pursue their freedom of choices and opportunity? Will they recognize their blessings? I hope so. Today is a good day to start!

Angela Schaefers is a speaker, writer and producer and host of Your Story Matters show. She speaks as keynote for organizations and at events and speaks to groups to inspire them.  She is a TEDx speaker – Your Story Matters Creating Connection & Collaboration Through Sharing Your Story.  Angela is author of Your Story Matters You Matter, A guide to healing, learning from and sharing your story.  She has also co-authored several books, writes for online publications and blogs.  She has previously counseled families, couples, children and individuals, and has provided career and personal development coaching.  She has worked with and consulted with various non-profit organizations, government entities and the corporate sector.  ContactWebsite Books

Photo Credit – Stuart Miles

Jul 012016
 

 

Angela Schaefers “Stories Matter. Yours. Mine. Theirs.”

Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” – Miguel Angel Ruiz

I LOVE social media! I love the vastness of the digital world we have access to today. For me, the best part of it all is being able to connect with friends, family, and colleagues near and far.

WVM July 2015 Angela IMPACT ImageI enjoy connecting with someone I met through an event or travel, or who I’ve been connected to via social media and have yet to meet in person but have built a wonderful relationship with. Yet, I can (and do) step away from it when needed is a great benefit.

We can all choose to be our true selves via social media (sometimes even bringing the shock factor), or we can hold back a bit and not say what we really mean and not express our true thoughts. The beauty in it is it is our choice and one for others too.

I have moved towards accepting people where they are at, and that often means accepting their strong opinions, challenging online behaviors, and sometimes their rants about one thing or another.

I am free to be me and okay with others being themselves. I know from experience that if someone has a social media post or email that stirs up negative feelings and reactions in me, it is about me, not them.

I have learned to take these opportunities to reflect on what is being stirred within me and what I need to learn from those feelings. I realize that my own thoughts shared sometimes create uncomfortableness for someone else. This may challenge some people; however, that too is up to each individual to learn from or not.

Acceptance is a big thing in our world, perhaps now more than ever when people can and do express varying opinions via the digital world. I practice acceptance knowing peace is only possible when we don’t expect others to see the world as we do or conduct their lives as we do.

If people are not hurting others or creating conflict, there really is nothing wrong with their feelings and thoughts being different than mine. We can only control our own actions and thoughts. While we can influence others, we ultimately have no power over what they think and do, and vice versa.

Here are 8 questions to ponder in our digital world.

1 How do you create balance with the digital world versus the in person world?

2 Do you find yourself lost in social media?

3 Does social media allow you to be more of the person you really are?

4 How has the digital world helped or hindered your life?

5 Do you think social media and the digital world as a whole is too personal?

6 Does the digital world help you in your career and make it easier for you to connect with your clients?

7 Are you accepting of others even when their opinion does not match your own?

8 Do you expect others to buy into or go along with your own thoughts and opinions?

Angela Schaefers is a speaker, writer and producer and host of Your Story Matters show. She speaks as keynote for organizations and at events and speaks to groups to inspire them.  She is a TEDx speaker – Your Story Matters Creating Connection & Collaboration Through Sharing Your Story.  Angela is author of Your Story Matters You Matter, A guide to healing, learning from and sharing your story.  She has also co-authored several books, writes for online publications and blogs.  She has previously counseled families, couples, children and individuals, and has provided career and personal development coaching.  She has worked with and consulted with various non-profit organizations, government entities and the corporate sector.  ContactWebsite Books

Photo Credit –  Stuart Miles

Jun 012016
 

 

Angela Schaefers “Stories Matter. Yours. Mine. Theirs.”

When I was pregnant with my son I could not imagine my precious baby ever growing up.  I did not consider one day he would be a man.  Even along the years from baby to toddler to teen, I still did not acknowledge some day he would be a ‘man.’

It occurred to me that, though I consciously did not consider it at the time, I was growing a ‘man’ all along.  Every subtle nuance, every teaching moment, and each time I role modeled how to love; I was indeed training him up to be a man.

It makes me wonder (looking back) what I should have, could have, or would have done differently if I thought about it along the way.


WVM June 2016 Angela 1 IMPACT ImageLike most moms, I know there are things I could have done differently.  I know I made mistakes at times and failed him.  But on the other hand, I also showed him much love and deep caring.

I see myself and his dad in him; when he speaks, his gestures, and even some of his values.  And then there is the glorious part that is simply him being him, a new and wondrous creature gracing our world, which is completely unique.

I naively thought I could ‘make’ all three of my children be the perfect beings that I imagined.  I thought I could guard them from any and all sorts of pain.  I figured of course they would think, do, and act as I do (only the good parts of me!).  That’s a nice sentiment but impossible!

Our life is not our children’s lives.  We may create them in the basic sense of giving them life, and we definitely influence them, but they become who THEY are because of their own thoughts and experiences.

I want my son to be a wonderful, loving, respectful, and kind man.  I watch him as he interacts with others.  I see his heart.  He is everything I could have hoped for.

So many people along the way commented on how ‘hard’ boys are to raise; they are wild and out of control and so on.  Not my son.  He has been such a blessing of peace and joy and never was high maintenance.

I cannot take all the credit.  It’s never just about a mom raising kids.  It’s not about being truly alone, even though many of us are single moms. It’s also about the teachers, the male figures of whatever sort, the other siblings, and the family.  That indeed is the village it takes to raise a young boy into a good man.

I had two daughters prior to my son.  They were what many moms call the ‘training’ period of motherhood.  I made many mistakes.  I learned to be a mom while being a mom, if that makes sense.  I pretty much grew up alongside my youngest as she came into my life at the young age of 19.

My son undoubtedly got the better parts of me.  I was more experienced.  I was less a crazy, neurotic mommy.  Though he may disagree!  (My daughters, who are older than him, will verify he has been the ‘golden child’ and spoiled unlike them!)  And, perhaps, this is another part of why he is evolving into being a good man.

All I know for sure after years and years of mommyhood is I gave my all to each of my kids.  I possibly put more effort into my son because of various circumstances, but mostly because I wanted (perhaps needed for my own healing?) him to evolve into being a good man.  It is a big driver with many moms to show the world your son can be a better man than any man you have ever known.

For me and many moms, it was important to infuse the needed care and love into your son, so there is no possibility of him being cruel or unloving; especially to his future wife and children.  I (we- our village) raised a good boy who in turn has become a great young man.

“We should fill the world with good men who can be great at whatever role they choose… not for us, but for them.” – Angela Davis Schaefers, mom to Sean.

Angela Schaefers is a speaker, writer and producer and host of Your Story Matters show. She speaks as keynote for organizations and at events and speaks to groups to inspire them.  She is a TEDx speaker – Your Story Matters Creating Connection & Collaboration Through Sharing Your Story.  Angela is author of Your Story Matters You Matter, A guide to healing, learning from and sharing your story.  She has also co-authored several books, writes for online publications and blogs.  She has previously counseled families, couples, children and individuals, and has provided career and personal development coaching.  She has worked with and consulted with various non-profit organizations, government entities and the corporate sector.  ContactWebsite Books

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